Firstly I would like to welcome you all to what you can be assured will be one of the best blogs on the internet. This will be dedicated to banter and specifically the jovial jesting that is enjoyed by the chosen few that are coached by Mark Baddeley – affectionately known as ‘Badders’, ‘Big Bobby B’, or ‘M-Dog’ if you are the ghetto type like Mabo.
But less of that for now and on we shall go to the story of the most recent excursion for the Badders elite AC. For a select few this involved an eagerly anticipated trip to Woodford/Woodside Stadium, which is situated in the picturesque principality of Watford. After confirming to the majority of the group that he would be leaving his beloved Lincolnshire Runner on time, Badders was however his typical late self, much to the disgust of the attenuated Beren Cross. But, the crew arrived in the affluent town of Stamford well within the time constraints to pick up the groups very own international superstar AScott.
Now it is important to mention here that we had a Watford virgin on the trip, in the form of the much revered Paul Samways. Samways is not often found on the track, much like you are not likely to see a great spotted woodpecker in the middle of the ermine, but like his beloved birds these thing can happen. It was in fact a pleasant surprise for me to be squeezed into the back of the Badders banter wagon with two of the recent Malia departees, Samways and the enigma who to be honest were still intoxicated. I was expecting some great stories from these two, but was left a little disappointed to continually hear at how ‘quality’ it was for all the boys to keep taking their tops off and looking at each other’s finely toned abs. Anyway, the Malia episode deserves a blog in its own right, so back to the trip.
News soon filtered through of the first result of the night, the slender strapping young @TwitchinCalves had just ran a swift 52.6 for 400. Now this is by no means is his main event and I think he was trying to break my group record of 52.5, but let’s be honest I am a different gravy. However, he did manage to break the University of Gloucestershire 400m record, and yes I did check it is apparently a real university, so fair play to the lad. Back in the car things were getting a bit heated over the issue of whether Jesper Olsen is a real football player. Now on all things football you would expect one of the journalistic greats of AScott or Beren to pull the odd corker out of the bag. One man you would not expect this from is Coach Badders, the guy doesn’t have a clue, I mean he once put Ade Akinbiyi in his dream team! But he stumped us all on this occasion with this little-known Danish dynamite.
Anyway, despite Beren’s panic attacks we reached Watford with plenty of time to spare so he could divulge in another paltry attempt on breaking his 1500m PB. The group took its seat in the first tier of the West stand and was in awe of FatGav blasting to a 4:47.2 1500 PB and a young shutts running 4:55. The calibre of competition in FatGav’s race was immense and despite being outkicked by a couple of U13 Girls and a nine year old boy I doff my cap to the ex-speed merchant. By the time of the next Badders elite on track, FatGav had already consumed the contents of his lunch box and everyone else’s around him and disastrously embarked on big boys’ warm up for his cool down.
Now because I was doing a warm up I missed the events which unfolded in the rest of the boys 1500m, but this is how I like to think the races unfolded. Sam Shutts, sporting a Carlos Valderrama-esque (minus the blondness) haircut surged early but much like his banter was unable to sustain his form and slipped slowly to a 4:11.8 – a big PB however. Beren Cross who was fresh from his 800m PB at Stretford the night before ran strongly to record another solid 4:08.6. He missed a PB due to the fact he could not contain his excitement of Emelia Gorecka (more to come later) and Jonny Hay being in the same vicinity, which subsequently pushed his adrenaline levels that little bit too high. Haran Dunderdale, decided to, in suicidal fashion, put a predicted time of 4:00 on his entry card. This came back to haunt the squeaky athlete and only resulted in a time of which his sister is well capable of.
Next up on the track was the highly billed 3000 and with three ‘badders’ athletes in three separate races spectators were almost spoilt for choice. First up was crowd favourite Paul Samways, a man not blessed with the greatest of speed but what he lacks in speed he makes up for in determination. He ran a typical gutsy race to finish just shy of his PB and this after only arriving back in the country at 5am from his Malia adventures. Robinson, the other Malia adventurer, was next up produced a lacklustre performance but it wasn’t without entertainment. After leading the race in the early stages it seemed that his hangover had set in and slowly drifted back in the pack. But, late on he was awoken from his drunken slumber after the realisation that Emelia Gorecka could actually beat him and luckily he surged to finish ahead of Gorecka in a time of 9:07.8. The best of the night was saved to last as international representative Ascott ran solidly for 3rd place in the hotly contested ‘A’ race to finish 5 seconds short of his PB in 8:27.7. The ‘shuffler’ was in the lead pack for the majority of the race before failing to keep with a couple of young guns when the pace quickened over the last 600m. It appears that his international appearances (2 caps, 2 assists) went to his head a little and his apparent efforts to win the race were in vain, after seemingly his arrogance and ignorance meant he failed to realise he was racing Charlie Grice.
Well, here is where you expect me to wrap this up with some lame comment about how well we all did. However, I am not finished yet and the banter on the trip was about to be raised a few notches as the group strolled into McDonalds for some post-race recovery food. Twitter feeds indicated that Emelia Gorecka, who I have mentioned far too much already in this blog (maybe I secretly want rid of JW?), was in McDs in the process of buying a happy meal. This was partially true she was indeed in this establishment, but I believe from what Beren told me that no happy meal was purchased, but I could be wrong. Anyway, this isn’t relevant what matters is how excited Beren when he saw his beloved in the flesh standing in the queue. Ascott by this time had seen enough of Beren’s wavering wooing techniques and stepped in with a cheeky twitter tag. It all seemed to go down well and by the time we were back in the car the lovely Gorecka was on board with the bant, despite FatGavs best efforts to ruin it.
Again, this is not where the story ends as another scandal also occurred in McDonalds that evening. McDs was ready to close down by the time the lads ambled into its doors, which meant that its staff were keen to get rid of some of its waste. A few free apple pies later the team were sat tucking into their various healthy choices when Samways noticed Badders munching into an apple pie. The question was asked to Badders “was this his apple pie?”, to which his response was unequivocal, “Yes!” Well my friends let me tell you this in fact turned out to be Samways apple pie and he was not amused. Applepiegate will I am sure be a topic of hot debate on many future journeys across the country, but I for one are on Team Samways. Badders you’re a joke!
Some events in this blog may have no factual basis or have been fictionalised for entertainment purposes.
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