Bowser blasts UKA selectors

With the IAAF World Championships about to kick-off in Daegu, former "European Cross Country Gold Medalist" Matthew Bowser has launched a stinging attack on the selectors committee.

Bowser, who has trained numerous times over the years with the Badders elite feels that his recent performances are more than worthy of a spot on the Great Britain team for the forthcoming games.

"I can't believe that Charles has snubbed me, I mean it's not like I even use Twitter. I have kept my head down over the last few months and been really smashing it in training."

"I ran 13:22 on the Bromhead 3 mile loop the other week and it felt really comfortable, if anything I was just jogging," said the ex-Antiques merchant.

Bowser's track season has been brief and he was last seen holding Tom Straw's hand at Stretford in the middle of June. He has even slipped to number three in the LWAC 10k road standings after being smashed by Kimpton and Doe in London.

The Lincoln-born thoroughbred has often been outspoken about the progress he will make over the next few years and under the guidance of a new coach was rumoured to be stepping up to 5000m this Summer.

"I came out on eightlane and said it how it is, if people don't like it then they can do one. I am well capable of running under 13 minutes and anyone who thinks that is unrealistic obviously doesn't know who I am."

"I have the talent, I have the class, and well how many people can say they have won Lincoln 10k twice, not many can they now!" stressed the Hog Roast specialist.

Bowser has recently become engaged, a move which has shocked some of his close friends who believed a relationship announcement with Straw (group-traitor) to be just around the corner.

"I think Bowser got the idea of getting a missus from the Hollyoaks storyline to be honest, his relationship with the lad Straw is much like that of Ste and Brendan."

"I don't know what Straw keeps doing wrong but I see him up the track now and again always sporting black eyes and a sore back," said a John O'Shea lookalike source close to the pair.

A series of failings

Trafford Grand Prix, Stretford.
Attendees: Spering, Cross, Wright, Campbell (G).

By @TwitchinCalves

With Josh Spering being a late entrant to the competition there were now four athletes ready show their worth over two laps of the Stretford track. The car was fueled, and so was Gav Campbell, who had just been picked up from a 2-for-1 restaurant after being dropped off in the Nettleham chain just before breakfast, so they were ready to get underway. The journey there was full of conversations about how the performers were going to fair in the perfect conditions that Tuesday evening had in store for them. Confidence was high, especially from Beren Cross, ready to run sub-2, “even on a bad day”. These thoughts of the task ahead were, however, to be corrected later on as he admitted he’d found it much more difficult than he first feared.

Spering started the proceedings from the 4th lane in race one. After putting down 1:55 on his entry sheet, he presumed a quick start, and that was what he got. After having to overtake the athlete sharing the lane with him before the break, he found himself in a position as authoritative as Andy Dunderdale in one of Mark’s Tuesday/Thursday Sessions. This was quickly dismissed after two or three of the athletes steamed past him at the 200m mark. A first lap of 58 seconds would eventually equate to a last placed finish of 2:00.76, a time which by Spering’s current standard, is not brilliant.

Confident Cross was next up, and he did his work from lane one. He too was in a fast heat, and immediately was summoned to the back of the field. After running a 59 for the first lap, he looked strong to beat the 2minute barrier and finally accomplish that, which must seem now, as a lifetime ambition. Without splits, it is thought that Beren had dropped between 400m and 600m, as the last 200m of his race was by all accounts the quickest section of his race. He claimed to have sen the clock count up from 1:52 and tried to make full use of his lengthy limbs to reach the line, however, he eventually ran the time just outside of the 2minute mark (2:00.26) - an “unsatisfying personal best”.

Jacob Wright, designated driver, was in shape to run well over the 2 laps, and after running his last race back in May (a feat which saw him claim county champion status), he had high expectations from the Lincolnshire selectors, rumored to be at Manchester to watch the notorious athlete. Unfortunately it was another bad run from one of the Wellies athletes, who ran 0.3 seconds outside of his PB (2:04.69). It was also later reported that he was pulling out of Day 2 of the Banter series, to take place at Watford due to embarrasment, and the fact that Tom Straw was back in the country.

“Slowly but surely” were the thoughts of the already tired athletes in the run up to Gav Campbell’s race. He was almost certain to take run of the night, as some of the times in training he’d been producing were now on par with those of U13 athletes. His aims were to break the 2:10 barrier, but unfortunately having ran the first lap in a very comfortable 66/67, he was always going to have to run his arse off for the second lap to secure that time. His tactics were somewhat strange, one of which was to pull out into lane 2 to overtake the V60 athlete, only to decide not to. Coach Baddeley’s next move is to sort these Jack Cornwall-esque styles of racing out, and hope that one day fat Gav will run a respectful time.

Overall a disappointing start to the Banter Series, however, more to was follow at Watford from 3 of these courageous athletes..

Applepiegate and Gorecka

By @AaronScottruns

Firstly I would like to welcome you all to what you can be assured will be one of the best blogs on the internet. This will be dedicated to banter and specifically the jovial jesting that is enjoyed by the chosen few that are coached by Mark Baddeley – affectionately known as ‘Badders’, ‘Big Bobby B’, or ‘M-Dog’ if you are the ghetto type like Mabo.

But less of that for now and on we shall go to the story of the most recent excursion for the Badders elite AC. For a select few this involved an eagerly anticipated trip to Woodford/Woodside Stadium, which is situated in the picturesque principality of Watford. After confirming to the majority of the group that he would be leaving his beloved Lincolnshire Runner on time, Badders was however his typical late self, much to the disgust of the attenuated Beren Cross. But, the crew arrived in the affluent town of Stamford well within the time constraints to pick up the groups very own international superstar AScott.

Now it is important to mention here that we had a Watford virgin on the trip, in the form of the much revered Paul Samways. Samways is not often found on the track, much like you are not likely to see a great spotted woodpecker in the middle of the ermine, but like his beloved birds these thing can happen. It was in fact a pleasant surprise for me to be squeezed into the back of the Badders banter wagon with two of the recent Malia departees, Samways and the enigma who to be honest were still intoxicated. I was expecting some great stories from these two, but was left a little disappointed to continually hear at how ‘quality’ it was for all the boys to keep taking their tops off and looking at each other’s finely toned abs. Anyway, the Malia episode deserves a blog in its own right, so back to the trip.

News soon filtered through of the first result of the night, the slender strapping young @TwitchinCalves had just ran a swift 52.6 for 400. Now this is by no means is his main event and I think he was trying to break my group record of 52.5, but let’s be honest I am a different gravy. However, he did manage to break the University of Gloucestershire 400m record, and yes I did check it is apparently a real university, so fair play to the lad. Back in the car things were getting a bit heated over the issue of whether Jesper Olsen is a real football player. Now on all things football you would expect one of the journalistic greats of AScott or Beren to pull the odd corker out of the bag. One man you would not expect this from is Coach Badders, the guy doesn’t have a clue, I mean he once put Ade Akinbiyi in his dream team! But he stumped us all on this occasion with this little-known Danish dynamite.

Anyway, despite Beren’s panic attacks we reached Watford with plenty of time to spare so he could divulge in another paltry attempt on breaking his 1500m PB. The group took its seat in the first tier of the West stand and was in awe of FatGav blasting to a 4:47.2 1500 PB and a young shutts running 4:55. The calibre of competition in FatGav’s race was immense and despite being outkicked by a couple of U13 Girls and a nine year old boy I doff my cap to the ex-speed merchant. By the time of the next Badders elite on track, FatGav had already consumed the contents of his lunch box and everyone else’s around him and disastrously embarked on big boys’ warm up for his cool down.

Now because I was doing a warm up I missed the events which unfolded in the rest of the boys 1500m, but this is how I like to think the races unfolded. Sam Shutts, sporting a Carlos Valderrama-esque (minus the blondness) haircut surged early but much like his banter was unable to sustain his form and slipped slowly to a 4:11.8 – a big PB however. Beren Cross who was fresh from his 800m PB at Stretford the night before ran strongly to record another solid 4:08.6. He missed a PB due to the fact he could not contain his excitement of Emelia Gorecka (more to come later) and Jonny Hay being in the same vicinity, which subsequently pushed his adrenaline levels that little bit too high. Haran Dunderdale, decided to, in suicidal fashion, put a predicted time of 4:00 on his entry card. This came back to haunt the squeaky athlete and only resulted in a time of which his sister is well capable of.

Next up on the track was the highly billed 3000 and with three ‘badders’ athletes in three separate races spectators were almost spoilt for choice. First up was crowd favourite Paul Samways, a man not blessed with the greatest of speed but what he lacks in speed he makes up for in determination. He ran a typical gutsy race to finish just shy of his PB and this after only arriving back in the country at 5am from his Malia adventures. Robinson, the other Malia adventurer, was next up produced a lacklustre performance but it wasn’t without entertainment. After leading the race in the early stages it seemed that his hangover had set in and slowly drifted back in the pack. But, late on he was awoken from his drunken slumber after the realisation that Emelia Gorecka could actually beat him and luckily he surged to finish ahead of Gorecka in a time of 9:07.8. The best of the night was saved to last as international representative Ascott ran solidly for 3^rd place in the hotly contested ‘A’ race to finish 5 seconds short of his PB in 8:27.7. The ‘shuffler’ was in the lead pack for the majority of the race before failing to keep with a couple of young guns when the pace quickened over the last 600m. It appears that his international appearances (2 caps, 2 assists) went to his head a little and his apparent efforts to win the race were in vain, after seemingly his arrogance and ignorance meant he failed to realise he was racing Charlie Grice.

Well, here is where you expect me to wrap this up with some lame comment about how well we all did. However, I am not finished yet and the banter on the trip was about to be raised a few notches as the group strolled into McDonalds for some post-race recovery food. Twitter feeds indicated that Emelia Gorecka, who I have mentioned far too much already in this blog (maybe I secretly want rid of JW?), was in McDs in the process of buying a happy meal. This was partially true she was indeed in this establishment, but I believe from what Beren told me that no happy meal was purchased, but I could be wrong. Anyway, this isn’t relevant what matters is how excited Beren when he saw his beloved in the flesh standing in the queue. Ascott by this time had seen enough of Beren’s wavering wooing techniques and stepped in with a cheeky twitter tag. It all seemed to go down well and by the time we were back in the car the lovely Gorecka was on board with the bant, despite FatGavs best efforts to ruin it.

Again, this is not where the story ends as another scandal also occurred in McDonalds that evening. McDs was ready to close down by the time the lads ambled into its doors, which meant that its staff were keen to get rid of some of its waste. A few free apple pies later the team were sat tucking into their various healthy choices when Samways noticed Badders munching into an apple pie. The question was asked to Badders “was this his apple pie?”, to which his response was unequivocal, “Yes!” Well my friends let me tell you this in fact turned out to be Samways apple pie and he was not amused. Applepiegate will I am sure be a topic of hot debate on many future journeys across the country, but I for one are on Team Samways. Badders you’re a joke!

Some events in this blog may have no factual basis or have been fictionalised for entertainment purposes.